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DrClayForrester
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Post subject: FAKE NEWS: Reporting from the future...Yesterday!
 Posted: Jan 11, 2012 - 06:02 PM
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Joined: Nov 29, 2004
Posts: 3491
Location: United States
Status: Offline
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Van Halen Releases New Single, Opens Time Portal
(DCF) - In a move that surprised even their most hardcore fans, rock supergroup Van Halen actually released a single Tuesday, titled "Tattoo". This sudden activity also caused a time portal to open, causing unbalance which could result in the end of life as we know it.
Scientists studying to portal--or "vortex", as some nerdy dudes in lab coats insist on calling it to make themselves feel superior to the other scientists--stated that they believe the portal was opened when the single, which is the first from the group's new album See? It's Not What All Of You Thought We Were Going To Call It (to be released on February 7th), was played for the first time outside of the confines of a hermetically-sealed recording studio. They claim that the portal opened because the song itself, which was great 36 years ago when it was called "Turn Out The Lights", was forcibly sucked from the year 1976 and fed into a mixing console with an exposed wire sticking out the side.
Specialists have wrapped the offending wire with electrical tape to stem the damage from the portal, but say that there may be no way to completely repair the damage, as another song is showing signs of being really similar to another 36-year-old song called "She's The Woman", a personal favorite of this reporter.
"It's a miracle that this whole time shifting thing didn't involve all of our clothes disappearing like they did in that Terminator movie," one scientists was quoted as saying, adding that the only real loss at this point was the hair of Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth's hair, which nobody really misses all that much anyway.
Baffled scientists have contacted well-known physicist Stephen Hawking to see if he knows how to close the portal, since he's really smart and has that cool voice synthesizer thingie, which everyone is really impressed by.
Stay tuned for further information as it becomes available.
Derek Springer claims to have a vast knowledge of popular culture. But in reality, he pretty much just knows about the Terminator movies and Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer. |
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letch77
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Post subject: RE: FAKE NEWS: Reporting from the future...Yesterday!
Posted: Jan 11, 2012 - 11:01 PM
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Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Posts: 837
Location: Kansas, USA
Status: Offline
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Classic, Doc!! 